Trust without Understanding

Christmas morning. It's nearly 7am here in Greece, but I've been up since 4:30am due to my unwillingness to conform to the time difference here. While to many this may seem very inconvenient and oftentimes depressing, it is my favorite part about my day. Because I am not tired, reading is my first priority lately thanks in large part to my Kindle.


I've been on break for roughly one week and I've read 5 books in that span. One of those has become one of the most influential books I've ever read; it is Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges. To be honest, I had only bought this book because it was really cheap for the Kindle, but that must have been a GOD thing. 


This past semester was absolutely packed full of blessings and pains. All of which, looking back now, I am very thankful for. But what strikes me most is how I had allowed the easy times and the hard times define my emotions. It was a roller-coaster of a semester which I'm sure many people experienced as well. However, looking back again, the last thing I made of an importance was to trust GOD. 


It is all too easy to think that we can control what happens, that we must do things the right way, that we are "the captain of our fate." It was this mindset that led my semester. I thought that when things did not go my way that I was doing something wrong, when I was not happy that I must not have had enough faith, when I was anxious that I needed more control. I was not okay with the unknown. If there was a grey area in my life, I needed to solve it instantly.


All of this led to self-reliance and anxiety. I wanted to trust that GOD was in control, but I would never allow HIM to be. So here I was this Christmas break, still wrestling over my lack of control in my life when GOD slowed my life down and caused me to trust HIM.


Jerry Bridges does not try to solve life's pains, but what HE does is give Biblical reasons for why we can and should trust GOD no matter what is going on in our lives. HE defends this by referring to three attributes of GOD: HIS sovereignty, HIS wisdom, and HIS love. "GOD in HIS love always wills what is best for us. In HIS wisdom He always knows what is best, and in HIS sovereignty He has the power to bring it about" (19).


What had caused so much of my emotional pains this semester was not the events in my life, but my lack of trusting that GOD had things under control. I was worried. Worried that my plans would fail which would mean that GOD's is probably not going to be as good. "If we are to experience peace in our souls in times of adversity, we must come to the place where we truly believe that GOD's ways are simply beyond us and stop asking HIM why or even trying to determine it ourselves" (136). I was so caught up in trying to figure out why my life was going the direction it was instead of trusting that GOD had things under control the whole time.


Maybe GOD was disciplining me for sin in my life, maybe HE was protecting me from future sins, maybe HE knows that this is exactly what it would take for me to stop trusting myself and turn to HIM. I really don't know why this semester panned out the way it did, but "what I do know is that "when HE has tested me, I shall come out as gold" (Job 23:10). I don't have anymore answers than I did when I left school, but what I do know is what I need to do when adversity strikes again, because it will. "GOD's plan and HIS ways of working out HIS plan are frequently beyond our ability to fathom and understand. We must learn to trust when we don't understand" (21).


Too often my mind gets in the way of my trust. I have to figure out the answer. That's how GOD wired me. Since HE made me that way, HE knows how best I learn, and if that means I don't understand at the time so be it. "An unreserved trust of GOD, when we don't understand what is happening or why, is the only road to peace and comfort and joy" (142). It's okay if I don't know why things happen because that's what the Bible teaches. "We think so much about our responsibility to discover GOD's will in a situation or to make wise decisions in life's choices, but the biblical emphasis seems to be on GOD's guiding us...I am where I am today, not because I have always made wise decisions or correctly discovered the will of GOD at particular points along the way, but because GOD has faithfully led me and guided me along the path of HIS will for me" (183-184).


I hope this comforts you as it did to me. GOD is in control and HE is working things out for your good and my good even when we don't understand why. Peace is only found in trust, not in good situations.

"Again, let me emphasize that trusting GOD does not mean we do not experience pain. It means we believe that GOD is at work through the occasion of our pain for our ultimate good. It means we work back through the Scriptures regarding HIS sovereignty, wisdom, and goodness and ask HIM to use those Scriptures to bring peace and comfort to our hearts. It means, above all, that we do not sin against GOD by allowing distrustful and hard thoughts about HIM to hold sway in our minds. It will often mean that we may have to say, 'GOD I don't understand, but I trust YOU'" (214).

Christmas Cheer for FREE!

In support of the Christmas season beginning, the floor below mine in Culby has produced an excellent Christmas Album. Support Culby X and the rest of Moody by downloading this album from Noisetrade here.

Self-Deprivation

Many times, others have said exactly what I try to say in much better ways. Here is but one example:

O LORD,

my every sense, member, faculty, affection, is a snare to me,

   I can scarce open my eyes but I envy those above me,

                                                             or despise those below.

I covet the honor and riches of the mighty,

   and am proud and unmerciful to the rags of others;

If I behold beauty it is a bait to lust,

                    or deformity, it stirs up loathing and disdain;

How soon do slanders, vain jests, and wanton speeches creep into my heart!

Am I comely? What fuel for pride!

Am I deformed? What an occasion for repining!

Am I gifted? I lust after applause!

Am I unlearned? How I despise what I have not!

Am I in authority? How prone to abuse my trust, 

                                                             make will my law,

                                                             exclude others' enjoyments,

                                                             serve my interests and policy!

Am I inferior? How much I grudge others' pre-eminence!

Am I rich? How exalted I become!

THOU knowest that all those are snares by my corruptions, 

   and that my greatest snare is myself.

I bewail that my apprehensions are dull,

                         my thoughts mean,

                         my expressions low,

                         my life beseeming;

Yet what canst THOU expect of dust by levity,

                                                      of corruption but defilement?

Keep me ever mindful of my natural state,

   but let me not forget my heavenly title,

   or the grace that can deal with every sin.

-Valley of Vision.

Having Opinions.

I don't know if you are this way, but I tend to have my own opinions, but right when I hear a counter argument for something I
had believed I start to doubt myself. I'm not talking about objective truths, but the subjective: Did you enjoy the speaker? Do you like this band? Is this a good movie? Did you enjoy reading this book?

You see all these questions are subjective to the person answering them, and most every one has an opinion for all of them. There are people who are not afraid to voice their answers unashamedly and are not afraid of someone disagreeing with him, then there are people like me who have opinions, but are afraid to say them for fear of offending someone or losing respect.

This is not a bad thing until I'm afraid to give my opinion because I'm afraid of being wrong. How can I be wrong about whether I enjoyed listening to Jon Foreman or watching Gladiator, yet when I talk to people who don't like Jon Foreman, suddenly I'm less fond of his music. Suddenly, his creativity is less inspiring because I'm talking to someone who doesn't enjoy it. It can also work the opposite way; I don't enjoy heavy metal music, but when talking about it, I'll typically seem to enjoy it, at least a little bit.

Now, it is ok for me to seemingly enjoy conversing about something I don't really enjoy, but it's a whole other issue for me to not to give my honest opinion when someone asks for it. If I start compromising my opinions on small issues, that mentality will creep into some of the bigger issues over time. I will begin to not be offended when someone disrespects someone or something I care about because I'm afraid of disrespecting others. It becomes a circle of lies.

So yes, there are some things that aren't worth fighting for, but there are things we must get defensive of. If someone doesn't like Jon Foreman's music, that shouldn't offend me, but if someone attacks the character of someone I care about, then I should fight for them. There are obviously a lot of gray areas and we need to be careful about how much we argue for things that we think need to be defended, but if someone wants our opinion, then we need to give it without fear of being liked more or less because of it.

Thank GOD for struggles.

I'm in my third year at Moody Bible Institute. I wake up before 7 most days to either attend class or go to work. I'm developing irreplaceable friendships, learning a plethora of theology, and am a part of the #1 Men's soccer team in the nation for the NCCAA DII. Life here could not be better. This is the Moody experience. This is how I grow.

While I could structure out all of these great things out into a diagram of how I want others to experience Moody, but what I've learned is that though all these good things are at Moody, it's the struggles that I wouldn't trade for anything.

It has been through my struggles that I've seen GOD brighter and more radiant. It's been through my struggles that I've opened myself up to criticisms and tough conversations. It's been through my struggles that GOD has given me peace and joy. My struggles demote pride. My struggles cause me to surrender all: all my will, my plans, my emotions to the ONE who gave them to me.

I have the atrocious tendency to become anxious just about everyday of my life. If things are not according to me plan, or if I cannot foresee something happening, I begin to worry. I begin to doubt myself and sometimes GOD. So I'll write down how confused and frustrated I am with HIM. Mainly asking HIM, "Why? Why not do my plan? Why delay such a good thing?"

GOD always answers, "Because my plan is better. Because I know what is best for you. Because I love you. You are going through disappointment because until you learn to trust ME in disappointments, you will never trust me in success. You would marry the girl of your dreams because you think you won her heart with your charm. You would think you have good friends because you are such a great person. You would think that I love you because you deserve it. That is why I cannot allow you to trust yourself. Because I know the minute you start to lean on your own understanding is the minute that you think you can do this by yourself. I love you, and I'd rather be holding your hand when you trip, then watch you scar your face on the asphalt."

So I trust HIM... for a couple of days, sometimes hours. But HE never gives up on me. It's only through my struggles that I can see this. Struggles mature us. Struggles teach us. Struggles cause us to love HIM more.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

(Matthew 6:25-34 ESV)

May this bless you, as it has for me. 

All Creatures.

“Let me see THY love everywhere,

not only in the cross,

but in the fellowship of believers

and in the world around me.

When I feel the warmth of the sun

may I praise THEE who art the Sun of righteousness

with healing power.

When I feel the tender rain

may I think of the gospel showers that water my soul.

When I walk by the river side

may I praise THEE for that stream that makes

the eternal city glad, and washes white my robes

that I may have the right to the tree of life.

THY infinite love is a mystery of mysteries,

and my eternal rest lies

in the eternal enjoyment of it.”

-Valley of Vision.

Too often I do not understand just how much GOD really loves me. Sure, it is an unfathomable love, but that is not what I mean. I continually take for granted the unsurpassing love of JESUS as something that I deserve or have earned rather than the free gift of which it is.

I often forget the love of GOD for me. I get caught up with the desire to be loved by others that I lose sight of the Unchanging Love. This love is all around me: the “warmth of the sun,” “the tender rain,” “the river side.” They all proclaim GOD’s love and goodness to me, and yet I take them for granted.

Often times I not only neglect these instances of love, but feel they are due me. “I deserve the warm sun because I have suffered cold. I deserve rain because it has been barren. I deserve this beautiful river because I had not.” It’s when I realize how unworthy I am of all GOD’s blessings that I truly realize how magnificent HIS love is.

All creation not only proclaims GOD’s love, but it recognizes this love and returns with praise. GOD loves us in every way so that we might respond in praise and thanksgiving.

Sun, you give warmth to bring glory to GOD. Rain, you bring growth to bring glory to GOD. River, you give life to bring glory to GOD. Sam, you sing praises to bring glory to GOD. Sam, you laugh to bring glory to GOD. Sam, you love others to bring glory to GOD. Sam, you live to bring glory to GOD.

All creatures of our God and King

Lift up your voice and with us sing,

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou burning sun with golden beam,

Thou silver moon with softer gleam!

Thou rushing wind that art so strong

Ye clouds that sail in Heaven along,

O praise Him! Alleluia!

Thou rising moon, in praise rejoice,

Ye lights of evening, find a voice!

Thou flowing water, pure and clear,

Make music for thy Lord to hear,

O praise Him! Alleluia!

Thou fire so masterful and bright,

That givest man both warmth and light.

Dear mother earth, who day by day

Unfoldest blessings on our way,

O praise Him! Alleluia!

The flowers and fruits that in thee grow,

Let them His glory also show.

And all ye men of tender heart,

Forgiving others, take your part,

O sing ye! Alleluia!

Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,

Praise God and on Him cast your care!

And thou most kind and gentle Death,

Waiting to hush our latest breath,

O praise Him! Alleluia!

Thou leadest home the child of God,

And Christ our Lord the way hath trod.

Let all things their Creator bless,

And worship Him in humbleness,

O praise Him! Alleluia!

Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,

And praise the Spirit, Three in One!

O praise Him! O praise Him!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

-St. Francis of Assisi

The Four Loves.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket---safe, dark, motionless, airless--- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.                                              C.S. Lewis.

I just finished reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. I can't say that I've been more blessed by a book (other than the Bible) than I was by this one. Lewis is able to dissect the human heart in such a careful and intimate manner that I feel like he actually knows me and my tendencies. 


The Four Loves mainly describes the different types of love that humans have: Affection, Friendship, and Eros. Yes. The name of the book is The Four Loves, and I only mentioned three. I know. You see after reading his arguments and definitions of these different types of human loves, he has convinced me that the final type of love is actually the Love that the other three must flow from. This love he calls Charity, but he means the supernatural love that GOD gives us and what GOD is.


Affection is the most natural of all the loves in that we see it instinctively more often than the other loves. It is the natural desire that parents have for their offspring or even the appreciation that one has for a certain acquaintance or friend. Lewis puts it this way:

In my experience it is Affection that creates this taste, teaching us first to notice, then to endure, then to smile at, then to enjoy, and finally to appreciate the people who "happen to be there." Made for us? Thank GOD, no. They are themselves, odder than you could have believed and worth far more than we guessed.

Friendship love actually is the most unnatural. We think having a close knit friend is natural, but many times it is easy to remember that this whole idea runs contrary to our human depravity. We are always looking out for ourselves, and when we choose to stick with a friend through "thick and thin" it takes a lot of guts to stay on that course.

Eros, the love between a man and a woman. This love does not mean sex, but it is that desire or attraction which brings a man and a woman together. Lewis sees the passion and joy to constantly make the other happy as an example of our relationship with JESUS and our brothers in HIM:

 It is as if CHRIST said to us thru Eros, "Thus---just like this---with this prodigality---not counting the cost---you are to love me and the rest of my brethren... The real danger seems to me not that lovers will idolise each other but that they will idolise Eros himself.

This all leads to Charity. Charity that love which comes straight from GOD HIMSELF. I'm going to let a string of Lewis quotes summarize this up:

The loves prove that they are unworthy to take the place of GOD by the fact that they cannot even remain themselves and do what they promise to do without GOD's help.

All humans beings pass away. Do not let your happiness depend on something you many lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only BELOVED who will never pass away.

We shall draw nearer to GOD, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent of all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to HIM; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if HE chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.

They are biased in favour of those goods they can themselves bestow, or those which they would like best themselves, or those which fit in with a pre-conceived picture of the life they want the object to lead. But Divine Gift-Love --- LOVE HIMSELF working in a man--- is wholly disinterested and desires what is simply best for the beloved.

No sooner do we believe that GOD loves us than there is an impulse to believe that HE does so, not because HE is LOVE, but because we are intrinsically loveable... Far be it from us to think that we have virtues for which GOD could love us.

It is not that we have loved [any earthly Beloved] too much, but that we did not quite understand what we were loving. It is not that we shall be asked to turn from them, so dearly familiar, to a Stranger. When we see the face of GOD we shall know that we have always known it... By loving HIM more than them we shall love them more than we do now. 

I realize that were a lot of quotes there, but I believe they capture WHO true LOVE is. If we are to learn to love each other, we must first learn the Love of GOD.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.               (1 John 4:7-12 ESV)

GOD, YOU are truly love. Without YOU all of my love is worthless and dust. Teach me to love you more because it is only through YOU that my love has meaning. YOU are love, and for me to love others, I must have more of YOU. Amen.

To Those Who "Happen to Be There."

I started reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis the other day. I have never read this book, and am still working on completing it. But there are already some amazing insights that I have learned from reading what I have from this book. One of them is to appreciate those in my life, no matter if I enjoy being around them or not. C.S. Lewis puts it this way, 

The truly wide taste in humanity will similarly find something to appreciate in the cross-section of humanity whom one has to meet every day. In my experience it is Affection that creates this taste, teaching us first to notice, then to endure, then to smile at, then to enjoy, and finally to appreciate, the people who "happen to be there." Made for us? Thank GOD, no. They are themselves, odder than you could have believed and worth far more than we guessed.

Lewis is not saying that we will learn to love everybody, but what he is saying is that there are people out there that we will most definitely butt heads with. But as we are forced to spend time with some people, we learn to endure who they are, then slowly we start to understand them, so we can laugh off some of those oddities which originally bugged us. As time goes on, you may still not intentional become friends with those people, but you will appreciate them for being in your life at some point in time. 


Whether they are people on your floor or people in your church, there will be people you don't enjoy being around when you begin to know them. But as time goes on, you couldn't imagine the floor without that individual identity. It's a blessing in the end (whether they turn out to be ridiculous stories or they teach you something you otherwise wouldn't have learned). 


We won't be friends with everybody, but we can be thankful for the people who "happen to be there" because they have a ton of potential to bless our lives with joy and maturity. GOD has placed people in our lives with intent to help us love HIM more, and everyone can teach you something about HIM if you take the time to listen and appreciate those who "happen to be there."


GOD, help me to not overlook those who "happen to be there," those who live with me, eat with me, learn with me, and play soccer with me. I may not be able to know them all on a deep level, but I pray that they might help me glorify YOU more and that I do the same for them. Help me be humble and appreciative of those who don't agree with me because I'm not always right. Thank YOU. 

Autumn Winds.

Flannel. Cinnamon Apple Spice Tea. Purple, gold, yellow, and red leaves which then leave the trees naked for the frost of winter. Cool breezes through the window. Temperatures are dropping. Life is both slowing down and speeding up. Autumn has begun.


Reading and writing comes easy in the fall because I just want to sit back and enjoy life. However, the stresses of school and other responsibilities often interfere with those desires. Reflection on the goodness of GOD gets set aside because of the busyness of the season when GOD has designed this season to be a calm down season. This of course makes school work much more difficult to accomplish because it is the last thing I want to do. One thing to keep satisfied in this season is to continue to write my thoughts and findings even when I do get busy because it's a break from the monotony of education. It is the freedom to write whatever is on my mind, or whatever GOD has shown me throughout the days and weeks.

The LORD is good to those who wait for HIM, to the soul who seeks HIM. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; let him put his mouth in the dust---there may yet be hope; let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults. For the LORD will not cast off forever, but, though HE cause grief, HE will have compassion according to the abundance of HIS steadfast love; for HE does not afflict from HIS heart or grieve the children of men.                                                -Lamentations 3:25-33

With all the changes that autumn brings, it is always comforting for me to remember how faithful the LORD is and that HE never changes. Though HE may seem far off at time, it is crucial to never forget that HE is always there, guiding us in ways that are beyond our comprehension often times. 


School gets tough. Whenever you have thirteen projects due on the following Monday, do not neglect the Word of GOD as I often do, for within it is hope and peace. It constantly reminds us to not get anxious because GOD is in control. It reminds us that GOD is good no matter what circumstances look like. It reminds us of GOD's unfailing love for us fallen sinners saved by grace alone. It remains unchanged when there is change all around us.


GOD, keep us in YOUR Word. Even when the abundance of school work and other responsibilities pile up, let us never forget who YOU are. We love YOU because YOU first loved us. Often times we forgo our first LOVE and run to idols. May it be YOUR kindness that brings us to repentance. YOU make all things new.

Finding Identity.

Everyone goes through an identity crisis. It was my first two years at Moody. I did not know who I was. I did not know what I was doing. All I knew was that I found my identity in my relationships with other people. If I was hanging out with the guys on the soccer team, I had a different identity then if I was spending time on my floor. The problem was that I also had another personality depending on which friends I was spending time with.

I was so determined to be known by anyone that I was willing to conform myself into something they approved of instead of being who GOD created me to be. GOD gifts each of us with personality, and when we try to please others, we tend to lose our individualism. 

I became a man who was always goofing around and did not take life seriously. This was how I portrayed myself to others, so this is what I thought I should be. This caused my conversations to become shallow and my vulnerability to shut up. I was afraid to be known because I was afraid to be disliked.

I was in a spiral of friend groups. I did not know who I actually enjoyed hanging out with or who I was just trying to please. Last semester I was wrestling with this issue so much. I could not figure out why I spent time with the people I did. I had to take a deep look at my motivations, and then I realized why I jumped around.

So many times when I meet new people, I have an excitement to get to know them. Slowly, I start realizing characteristics that I don't like, and so slowly I drift away from them. Because I have tended to do this, I have a fear of the same thing happening to me. So I make sure that everyone is happy with me, and I look to always avoid conflict. This was extremely unhealthy.

This summer, I had the opportunity to start over. I made good relationships, and I was able to do so without conforming to their identities. What I realized made the ultimate difference in my life was consistency in the Word. One passage that stands out to me now is Hebrews 4:12-13

For the word of GOD is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from HIS sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of HIM to whom we must give account.

GOD's Word exposed my heart issues. I knew I wasn't being a good friend, but I didn't want to admit to it. GOD has changed me. I am not anxious about my relationships here at school like I was the last couple of years. I am content with whom HE has placed in my life. While I will meet new people, I want to make sure I show them who I am, not who I think they want me to be.

So yeah, I goofy and a little ridiculous many times, and I tend to get really serious and open on this blog, but right now I'm looking for a balance between these two lifestyles. I want to be able to get to know those in my life by letting myself be known in the process. It'll take time. Thankfully, GOD is good. And it is in HIM alone that I have an identity.

PS... this post is a reflection of myself. I pray that GOD would use it to encourage you in a way that I could not express in words. Because HE does cool stuff like that a lot if we keep our eyes open for them.

I know.

I know a lot of people. I used to think that this was because I’m outgoing and friendly. But now I’m starting to understand that I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to have a stable circle of friends, but anytime that commitment came, I got scared and found new friends.

I know a lot of people, and a lot of people know about me. They know my name. They know I play soccer. They know I’m a Bible Major. They know my hair color, my laugh, my voice, my jokes. They know I live in Greece. They know I go to Missio Deo.

I know a lot of people, but a lot of people don’t know me. Do they know what makes me happy? What makes me cry? Do they know my struggles? My fears? My longings? My pains? Do they know I am often falsely happy? Do they know I hide my insecurity through sarcasm? Do they know that I’m afraid of being a terrible friend?

I know a lot of people, and a lot of people are great. But I could know everyone in this whole world, and still not have peace. I could be completely transparent with those closest to me, and they still wouldn’t know all my secrets. I could be around people all day, and still be alone.

I know a lot of people, but only ONE knows me. Only ONE knows my heart. Only ONE sees me in my darkest times. Only ONE stretches out HIS hand whenever I’m drowning. Only ONE makes me truly happy. Only ONE loves me enough to die for me. Only ONE can satisfy.

I know a lot of people, but do I love a lot of people? Do I give up my time for people? Do I share my heart with people? Do I make an effort to know people? Do I listen with a willing heart?

I should. Hopefully, I will.

Love. Honor. Family.

Love. Honor. Family.

These are the three core values that the Moody Men’s Soccer Team has put together to make us more unified as a team. These values do not solely exist for our team unity, but they are values that spring out of the heart of this team.

Today was the final day of preseason. This was the hardest preseason that I’ve had in the past three years on this team. Through this week, I’ve gotten to go through some of the toughest conditioning as a team, and not as an individual. When tough times come, it is easy to give up; I’m the type of person who has a hard time being self-motivated. If someone wants to run, I’ll run with them, but I have a terribly tough time going by myself. Whenever I do tough things with people, my expectations are raised because I don’t want to let them down. It’s a motivation outside myself.

Since the beginning of preseason, my lower back has been tightening up really tight when I run for a long time. At our final practice today, we had to run suicide sprints. We start at the goal line, then sprint to the 6 yard line, jog back, then sprint to the 18 yard line, jog back, sprint to the half line, etc... you get the picture. I did one set of those, and my back tightened up so badly that it was hard for me to get off the ground.

As the team caught their breath back and were preparing for the next set, I was attempting to stretch out my back, but it was too tight to stretch out. So I was told to jog around the field with Dan and Desch who had different ailments which kept them from the sprints. I got up, and started to jog slowly. Running down my face was a mixture of sweat and tears. Not only because of my pain, but because I felt I let my team down by not being able to finish.

I was so frustrated the entire time I was jogging. I was watching my teammates do suicides while I’m slowly jogging around the field. Is that fair? I didn’t think so. But I could not physically run the sprints. So I kept on going angrily.

As I was going around the goal line, a couple of the guys who were in the middle of the sprints yelled, “Keep up the good work, Sam!” “Keep that pace, you’re doing good buddy” "Continue working hard, Sam, you're doing great." They were encouraging me. ME. If anything it should have been vice-versa. I should have been telling them what a great job they were doing, because they were doing great.

Whenever I heard those words, I realized what our team had meant when we decided our core values: love, honor, and family. They aren’t just abstract values, but lived out practices. The guys on my team love me, honor me, and treat me like family, and it wasn’t until today that I understood fully what that entails. Through the encouragement of that drill, I understood that no matter how much I despise my failures and my inabilities, these guys will love me even through those. They will love and honor me, no matter what struggles and failures I go through. That’s what it means to be a family. That’s Moody Soccer.

GOSPEL

If you are like me, then you have constantly forgotten what the Gospel is, or better yet, WHO the Gospel is. Whenever someone had asked me what I believe, I would struggle to tell them. I have always been told that the Gospel is very simple, and yet when I try to explain it, I immediately go into defense mode instead of just saying what I believe.


At Missio Dei, my church in Chicago, we are going through a series about being mission minded. Yesterday, we talked about what the Gospel is, and how GOD has called us to actually tell others about the GOSPEL (Rom. 10:13-17).


The main thing in life that keeps us from sharing our faith seems to be FEAR. Either the fear of man or the fear of our ability. The fear of man is a constant struggle, but we must remember that GOD has sent us out to proclaim HIS Gospel. HE has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control. There is hope in the Gospel, and we need to share that hope with others.


Our fear of ability is a fear to comprehensively share the Gospel with others. That fear comes in because we think when we share the Gospel that if they do not accept JESUS then we have failed. However, "we weren't called to be successful, but faithful." (Pastor Mike). We may just be planting seeds in their hearts, but that's what GOD had planned. Many times, salvation doesn't come by one person alone, but by many influences. But to help you understand the GOSPEL in a clear way that can be easily understood and explained, Missio Dei put together a little chart and then I made one just like it:

I hope this blesses you as it blessed me.

Future Angst.

I’ve been reading through a few C.S. Lewis books this summer. This man was so heavily gifted by the Lord in his writings and ideas. I just finished the Screwtape Letters today. Wow. My mind was just blown away by the creativity, the logic, and the power of the book. A theme that sat heavily on my heart was the idea of living in the present. I’ll just let Lewis explain:

“The humans live in time but our Enemy destines them to eternity. He therefore, I believe, wants them to attend chiefly  to two things, to eternity itself, and to that point of time which they call the Present. For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity.”

“But the phrase “living in the present” is ambiguous. It may describe a process which is really just as much concerned with the future as anxiety itself. Your man may be untroubled about the Future, not because he is concerned with the Present, but because he has persuaded himself that the future is going to be agreeable. As long as that is the real course of his tranquility, his tranquility will do us good, because it is only piling up more disappointment, an therefore more impatience, for him when his false hopes are dashed. If, on the other hand, he is aware that horrors may be in store for him and is praying for the virtues, wherewith to meet them, and meanwhile concerning himself with the Present because there, and there alone, all duty, all grace, all knowledge, and all pleasure dwell, his state is very undesirable and should be attacked at once.”

I’ve had a bad habit of being anxious. I look into the Future, and I imagine the worst things that can happen. Sometimes this immobilizes me. I’m afraid of acting because I’m afraid of what might happen. However, living in the Present means I should not be afraid of what might happen to me, because bad things are going to happen. It means I should be praying that I am able to face them with the character that only God can provide.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”                                                                                                        -Philippians 4:4-7

I had been asked many times what I want to do after I graduate college. Coming into this summer, I had no idea. Even now, I’m not totally sure. The main reason I would give that answer was because I was afraid that my will wouldn’t be God’s will. I now know how much of a cop out that is. God has called me to not be anxious because He doesn’t want me to be afraid of making decisions. If I make a decision that is not in God’s will, I pray that He will let me know, and that I can handle it with the grace He has given to me. But too often it’s easy to not have a plan for the Future because I’m afraid it won’t last. But if there is no original plan, there’s no new plans because I will constantly be afraid of making plans.



I was blessed to be able to be a part of a crew that saw the Morning Star return to Porto Astro. This was a much bigger blessing than I realized beforehand. Not only was I refreshed by being able to relax and having a perfect sailing day, but the legacy behind the Morning Star and the adventures it’s been on is absolute legend. It was on this sailboat that I realized how afraid I was of the Future. I knew that if I was to be used fully by God, I needed to let go of my fears and commit to something that I love.



So here’s the plan right now. Next summer, I come back to Greece and do my internship with HM. What’s the plan after that? Well, as of right now, continue to work with HM once I graduate. If God has something else in store, so be it. But I cannot be afraid of my plans failing if I want to serve God without fear because ultimately He is in control, and He knows what He’s doing.

Shaming the Wise.

“But GOD chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; GOD chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; GOD chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of GOD.”

I Corinthians 1:27-29.

There’s something so beautiful, so counter-cultural, so ridiculous about this passage that makes me speechless at the thought of GOD. GOD is all about HIS glory. We have been created to proclaim this glory. The sun, the moon, the stars, everything in nature proclaims GOD’s glory. However, due to my sin and depravity, i don’t seek to give GOD HIS due glory, but i seek my own.

It’s this self-seeking glory that i celebrate on the soccer field, or at concerts, or when i tell a joke. It’s that passion that swallows me up, yet is never satisfied. I get an A in a class, suddenly i have something to be proud about. I score a goal; somebody cheer about it because i deserve it. It’s this prideful attitude that GOD was purposefully neglecting when HE designed the salvation plan.



Read that passage again, but slower. “But GOD chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise....” The Gospel is not for the know-it-all. It’s for the foolish. It’s not for the person that needs to understand the reasoning behind GOD’s love for him, but for the person who doesn’t understand why GOD would love him. GOD’s love makes no sense. It’s folly. A perfectly righteous GOD humiliatingly dies on a cross for someone who has constantly rejected HIS love, that doesn’t make any sense.

"folly, folly, folly, folly

all love i cannot comprehend

but the folly of our GOD

beats the genius of all men"

-The Love of GOD is Folly.

“GOD chose what is weak in this world to shame the strong.” GOD gave the Gospel for those who cannot stand on their own, for the ones who are broken and depressed, for the orphans and widows. GOD does not choose the fast, the strong, nor the lively, but HE chooses the ones who have no shot at temporal, earthly glory. HE does not choose what most people would choose. HE doesn’t pick the hot-shot forward for HIS team, but the waterboy. He doesn’t choose the linebacker, but the cancer patient. GOD wants the ones with the least potential in our eyes, to receive more glory when they have joy even through cancer or cleaning toilets. What is glory in our eyes is worthless in GOD’s.



GOD would rather use an orphan than a movie star because HE knows that the orphan will depend on HIM for everything. GOD would rather use a cancer patient than a football star. GOD would rather use a murderer than a goodie-two-shoes. When you know you don’t deserve your life, then GOD graciously gives you life any way, you’d be more useful to HIM than if you thought you deserved life.



GOD works in mysterious ways, but one thing HE has made clear to us is that HE hates pride. Remember that your life is not your own, and use it to glorify HIM and not yourself. Hopefully, HE has made others better than you, so that you may see how unworthy you are to receive HIS gift of grace. We must let our pride go before we can fully serve HIM honestly.

A Gloriously Failed Summer.

Coming into this summer, I had a grand scheme in my head for what I’d do all summer. I would read about 15 books. I would lay on the beach to work on my white man tan. I would plug in my iPod and listen to pod-casts by my favorite preachers. I would even get myself in shape for my upcoming soccer season. But Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.”



I had made a plan, but I’m finally beginning to understand how much greater God’s plan is compared to mine. Any time my plans had failed, I have always been disappointed because I could not see the end results yet. However, this time I was happy to have my plans changed because, from what I could see, my summer was going to be very long and very boring.



My summer changed about a month in when Neil Macris had called my house to tell Hannah that he needed another worker for the Junior Camp at Porto Astro. Conveniently, my mother had answered the phone and suggested that I go. So I did. It was that single phone call that changed my whole summer. You see, this camp started on June 20th and lasted 5 days, but I didn’t stop working for this ministry until July 30th, over 50 days later. I was dubbed “the guy who came and never left.” I had worked that Junior Camp, a church camp, Teen Camp, and Operation Joshua 4.



That was something that I could not even imagine happening even at the beginning of June. It was the best thing that could’ve happened. The amount of friends I made are innumerable. (Well, they could be counted, but I’m not going to for hyperbole’s sake.) The amount of things I done which I haven’t done is unbelievable: Belaying on the climbing wall, spotting on a boat, cleaning a boat, anchoring a pontoon boat, tying a pontoon boat, putting an engine in Salt-Away, baking an endless number of treats, making a Frappe, putting up any kind of tent, and many other things that I don’t need to mention because you get the point. I learned a lot.


The practical skills I learned are many, but the internal, spiritual skills that I have developed are much more valuable. There was so much work to be done the past 50 days, and I learned quickly that when I put others higher than myself, I can enjoy the work I’m doing much more than if I did it for my own gain. I didn’t mind cleaning pots and pans, or scrubbing toilets, or making Bruce Juice as long as I knew that it would take the burden off someone else.

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”

-Romans 12:3-13

God used me to bless others this summer, but it wasn’t because I wanted to do it. It was God’s plan. My plan was selfish and dull, but God’s plan was selfless and full of adventures that I couldn’t even fathom. So I ask you to submit to God’s plan. Don’t be so down hearted when one of your plans fails because I am certain God has something great in store for you.



C.S. Lewis writes in The Screwtape Letters:

“The Enemy wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another. The Enemy wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favor that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor’s talents---or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall. He wants each man, in the long run, to be able to recognize all creatures (even himself) as  glorious and excellent things. He wants to kill their animal self-love as soon as possible; but it is His long-term policy, I fear, to restore to them a new kind of self-love---a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own; when they have really learned to love their neighbors as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbors. For we must never forget what is the most repellent and inexplicable trait in our Enemy; He really loves the hairless bipeds He has created and always gives back to them with His right hand what He has taken away with His left.”