The Four Loves.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket---safe, dark, motionless, airless--- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.                                              C.S. Lewis.

I just finished reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. I can't say that I've been more blessed by a book (other than the Bible) than I was by this one. Lewis is able to dissect the human heart in such a careful and intimate manner that I feel like he actually knows me and my tendencies. 


The Four Loves mainly describes the different types of love that humans have: Affection, Friendship, and Eros. Yes. The name of the book is The Four Loves, and I only mentioned three. I know. You see after reading his arguments and definitions of these different types of human loves, he has convinced me that the final type of love is actually the Love that the other three must flow from. This love he calls Charity, but he means the supernatural love that GOD gives us and what GOD is.


Affection is the most natural of all the loves in that we see it instinctively more often than the other loves. It is the natural desire that parents have for their offspring or even the appreciation that one has for a certain acquaintance or friend. Lewis puts it this way:

In my experience it is Affection that creates this taste, teaching us first to notice, then to endure, then to smile at, then to enjoy, and finally to appreciate the people who "happen to be there." Made for us? Thank GOD, no. They are themselves, odder than you could have believed and worth far more than we guessed.

Friendship love actually is the most unnatural. We think having a close knit friend is natural, but many times it is easy to remember that this whole idea runs contrary to our human depravity. We are always looking out for ourselves, and when we choose to stick with a friend through "thick and thin" it takes a lot of guts to stay on that course.

Eros, the love between a man and a woman. This love does not mean sex, but it is that desire or attraction which brings a man and a woman together. Lewis sees the passion and joy to constantly make the other happy as an example of our relationship with JESUS and our brothers in HIM:

 It is as if CHRIST said to us thru Eros, "Thus---just like this---with this prodigality---not counting the cost---you are to love me and the rest of my brethren... The real danger seems to me not that lovers will idolise each other but that they will idolise Eros himself.

This all leads to Charity. Charity that love which comes straight from GOD HIMSELF. I'm going to let a string of Lewis quotes summarize this up:

The loves prove that they are unworthy to take the place of GOD by the fact that they cannot even remain themselves and do what they promise to do without GOD's help.

All humans beings pass away. Do not let your happiness depend on something you many lose. If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only BELOVED who will never pass away.

We shall draw nearer to GOD, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent of all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to HIM; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if HE chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.

They are biased in favour of those goods they can themselves bestow, or those which they would like best themselves, or those which fit in with a pre-conceived picture of the life they want the object to lead. But Divine Gift-Love --- LOVE HIMSELF working in a man--- is wholly disinterested and desires what is simply best for the beloved.

No sooner do we believe that GOD loves us than there is an impulse to believe that HE does so, not because HE is LOVE, but because we are intrinsically loveable... Far be it from us to think that we have virtues for which GOD could love us.

It is not that we have loved [any earthly Beloved] too much, but that we did not quite understand what we were loving. It is not that we shall be asked to turn from them, so dearly familiar, to a Stranger. When we see the face of GOD we shall know that we have always known it... By loving HIM more than them we shall love them more than we do now. 

I realize that were a lot of quotes there, but I believe they capture WHO true LOVE is. If we are to learn to love each other, we must first learn the Love of GOD.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.               (1 John 4:7-12 ESV)

GOD, YOU are truly love. Without YOU all of my love is worthless and dust. Teach me to love you more because it is only through YOU that my love has meaning. YOU are love, and for me to love others, I must have more of YOU. Amen.

To Those Who "Happen to Be There."

I started reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis the other day. I have never read this book, and am still working on completing it. But there are already some amazing insights that I have learned from reading what I have from this book. One of them is to appreciate those in my life, no matter if I enjoy being around them or not. C.S. Lewis puts it this way, 

The truly wide taste in humanity will similarly find something to appreciate in the cross-section of humanity whom one has to meet every day. In my experience it is Affection that creates this taste, teaching us first to notice, then to endure, then to smile at, then to enjoy, and finally to appreciate, the people who "happen to be there." Made for us? Thank GOD, no. They are themselves, odder than you could have believed and worth far more than we guessed.

Lewis is not saying that we will learn to love everybody, but what he is saying is that there are people out there that we will most definitely butt heads with. But as we are forced to spend time with some people, we learn to endure who they are, then slowly we start to understand them, so we can laugh off some of those oddities which originally bugged us. As time goes on, you may still not intentional become friends with those people, but you will appreciate them for being in your life at some point in time. 


Whether they are people on your floor or people in your church, there will be people you don't enjoy being around when you begin to know them. But as time goes on, you couldn't imagine the floor without that individual identity. It's a blessing in the end (whether they turn out to be ridiculous stories or they teach you something you otherwise wouldn't have learned). 


We won't be friends with everybody, but we can be thankful for the people who "happen to be there" because they have a ton of potential to bless our lives with joy and maturity. GOD has placed people in our lives with intent to help us love HIM more, and everyone can teach you something about HIM if you take the time to listen and appreciate those who "happen to be there."


GOD, help me to not overlook those who "happen to be there," those who live with me, eat with me, learn with me, and play soccer with me. I may not be able to know them all on a deep level, but I pray that they might help me glorify YOU more and that I do the same for them. Help me be humble and appreciative of those who don't agree with me because I'm not always right. Thank YOU. 

Autumn Winds.

Flannel. Cinnamon Apple Spice Tea. Purple, gold, yellow, and red leaves which then leave the trees naked for the frost of winter. Cool breezes through the window. Temperatures are dropping. Life is both slowing down and speeding up. Autumn has begun.


Reading and writing comes easy in the fall because I just want to sit back and enjoy life. However, the stresses of school and other responsibilities often interfere with those desires. Reflection on the goodness of GOD gets set aside because of the busyness of the season when GOD has designed this season to be a calm down season. This of course makes school work much more difficult to accomplish because it is the last thing I want to do. One thing to keep satisfied in this season is to continue to write my thoughts and findings even when I do get busy because it's a break from the monotony of education. It is the freedom to write whatever is on my mind, or whatever GOD has shown me throughout the days and weeks.

The LORD is good to those who wait for HIM, to the soul who seeks HIM. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him; let him put his mouth in the dust---there may yet be hope; let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults. For the LORD will not cast off forever, but, though HE cause grief, HE will have compassion according to the abundance of HIS steadfast love; for HE does not afflict from HIS heart or grieve the children of men.                                                -Lamentations 3:25-33

With all the changes that autumn brings, it is always comforting for me to remember how faithful the LORD is and that HE never changes. Though HE may seem far off at time, it is crucial to never forget that HE is always there, guiding us in ways that are beyond our comprehension often times. 


School gets tough. Whenever you have thirteen projects due on the following Monday, do not neglect the Word of GOD as I often do, for within it is hope and peace. It constantly reminds us to not get anxious because GOD is in control. It reminds us that GOD is good no matter what circumstances look like. It reminds us of GOD's unfailing love for us fallen sinners saved by grace alone. It remains unchanged when there is change all around us.


GOD, keep us in YOUR Word. Even when the abundance of school work and other responsibilities pile up, let us never forget who YOU are. We love YOU because YOU first loved us. Often times we forgo our first LOVE and run to idols. May it be YOUR kindness that brings us to repentance. YOU make all things new.

Finding Identity.

Everyone goes through an identity crisis. It was my first two years at Moody. I did not know who I was. I did not know what I was doing. All I knew was that I found my identity in my relationships with other people. If I was hanging out with the guys on the soccer team, I had a different identity then if I was spending time on my floor. The problem was that I also had another personality depending on which friends I was spending time with.

I was so determined to be known by anyone that I was willing to conform myself into something they approved of instead of being who GOD created me to be. GOD gifts each of us with personality, and when we try to please others, we tend to lose our individualism. 

I became a man who was always goofing around and did not take life seriously. This was how I portrayed myself to others, so this is what I thought I should be. This caused my conversations to become shallow and my vulnerability to shut up. I was afraid to be known because I was afraid to be disliked.

I was in a spiral of friend groups. I did not know who I actually enjoyed hanging out with or who I was just trying to please. Last semester I was wrestling with this issue so much. I could not figure out why I spent time with the people I did. I had to take a deep look at my motivations, and then I realized why I jumped around.

So many times when I meet new people, I have an excitement to get to know them. Slowly, I start realizing characteristics that I don't like, and so slowly I drift away from them. Because I have tended to do this, I have a fear of the same thing happening to me. So I make sure that everyone is happy with me, and I look to always avoid conflict. This was extremely unhealthy.

This summer, I had the opportunity to start over. I made good relationships, and I was able to do so without conforming to their identities. What I realized made the ultimate difference in my life was consistency in the Word. One passage that stands out to me now is Hebrews 4:12-13

For the word of GOD is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from HIS sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of HIM to whom we must give account.

GOD's Word exposed my heart issues. I knew I wasn't being a good friend, but I didn't want to admit to it. GOD has changed me. I am not anxious about my relationships here at school like I was the last couple of years. I am content with whom HE has placed in my life. While I will meet new people, I want to make sure I show them who I am, not who I think they want me to be.

So yeah, I goofy and a little ridiculous many times, and I tend to get really serious and open on this blog, but right now I'm looking for a balance between these two lifestyles. I want to be able to get to know those in my life by letting myself be known in the process. It'll take time. Thankfully, GOD is good. And it is in HIM alone that I have an identity.

PS... this post is a reflection of myself. I pray that GOD would use it to encourage you in a way that I could not express in words. Because HE does cool stuff like that a lot if we keep our eyes open for them.