soaking in suffering.

soaking in heartbreak.

“you'll never hear me say
i wanted it this way
it hurts me every time i breathe
no matter what i've told
i'm left out feeling cold
but i know, i needed this all along.”
-nevertheless

we are taught to highly regard ourselves in our culture, to build our self-esteem, make ourselves happy; however, a theme that runs through the bible is that of a broken and contrite heart. broken hearts consist of pain, anguish, depression and loneliness; however, a broken heart also produces godly perseverance and a deep, true love for GOD and one another.

isaiah 66:2 says, “all these things MY hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the LORD. but this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at MY word.”

psalm 51:17 states, “the sacrifices of GOD are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, o GOD, YOU will not despise.”

when we are truly broken in heart, GOD is there. HE is not far away. HE promises that HE will look at us. HE will shine HIS face on us. i don’t think that we fully grasp what that means. it means that no matter how lonely, abandoned and left out we feel, GOD still loves us. HE wants to look at our dirty faces.

in christian circles, there is a very negative view of suffering and pain. we are taught in church to smile through suffering because we know that it will work out in the end. many people will recite romans 8:28 to someone who is suffering because they want to be encouraging.

“don’t worry, GOD will use this for your good.”

i know what GOD promises. too often, we use these verses to bury our pain and sorrow. to hide our emotions from GOD. GOD didn’t give us these verses to conceal our GOD-given emotions, but to give us hope through the pain. to know HE does work out all things for good is a great reminder, but it doesn’t cure pain.

a broken heart does not have to be characterized by depression, loneliness or pain. instead, it is a time of growth, of honesty, of refining, of good, godly pain. GOD uses brokenness solely to bring HIS children closer to HIMSELF.

so if brokenness is being used to bring us closer to GOD, we shouldn’t run from this pain, this heartbreak. we should run towards GOD even if that hurts us more.

“three times i pleaded with the LORD about this, that it should leave me. but HE said to me, “MY grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of CHRIST may rest upon me. for the sake of CHRIST, then, i am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. for when i am weak, then i am strong.”                                       (2 corinthians 12:8-10)

paul suffered. he prayed for it to disappear multiple times, but GOD told him that it was for his sanctification (“so that the power of CHRIST may rest upon me”). GOD’s power is seen through our sufferings. and as we see HIS power, we will draw near to HIM. HIS face will shine brighter through these times because there will be no other faces to divert our eyes. we are forced to look at HIM. because HE is the only ONE looking back.

“turn your eyes upon JESUS
look full in HIS wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of HIS glory and grace.”

don’t view suffering as a terrible thing. yes, it is a painful process. and yeah, it sucks. but if knowing CHRIST and the power of HIS resurrection are truly what we are striving for, then suffering is not only a struggle, but it’s a must.

HOLY GOD,
YOU use all things for YOUR glory. while i may not understand why things happen the way they do, may i see my love for YOU increase through all my brokenness and pain. GOD, YOU are good, faithful and true, and i know YOU do all things well.
Amen.