Balancing Who I Am on the Internet with Real Life.

It's easier to tell a person what I am thinking, how I feel, how I am doing, where I'm at spiritually, argue with someone about theological issues, wish someone good luck, tell a joke, be sarcastic, and tell people where I am whenever I do it online. Being the same person outside the context of social networking has become extremely difficult for me. My sarcasm is still there, but having a good conversation with friends has not been a strong suit for me since the invention of Facebook. Even during my 40 day hiatus from Facebook in September-October, I didn't make an effort to talk to people, I simply just didn't talk to people. 


The main reason I'm more apt to communicate on Facebook is because it's my own world. I decide what I want to share, I decide which pictures to show, I decide what emotions to show. It's all about me on Facebook. Narcissism. I want friends, so I add all the people I know, but I don't take the time to talk to them in person because it makes me more vulnerable. On Facebook I'm safe. They don't have to see my face (ironically). I can just act like I'm talking to them on Facebook Chat, when I'm actually going in and out of my room or checking out another website while "talking" with a friend. 

Don't hide behind your computer.

Yesterday, I talked to Kelsey and Rachel via group video chat on Skype and I completely checked out. I didn't engage in conversation as well as I should've, but did what I could to simply get by. Skype video chat is the best tool the internet has to offer because I actually have to talk to the other person. I can't type a little message and run away to talk to someone else. The other person knows if I'm talking with him or not. I've argued myself out of video calling people because it's just too awkward. Honestly, it's only awkward if you don't actually talk to that person in real life. You can't expect text conversations to be the same as face-to-face conversations. Skype is as real as it gets on the internet.Video chat is not the answer though. Engaging in conversation requires me to put down my selfish attitude and become vulnerable. The internet is like a big shield from vulnerability (unless we are talking about hackers...). 


At other times, I only reveal things on the internet. As easy as it is to hide from people on the internet, it's just as easy to share too much on the internet. Just like you don't break up with someone over a text message, you shouldn't talk about stuff over the internet that you would hide in person. One of the main reasons I use Facebook is for attention. So if I'm in a happy mood, I'll let the whole world know it, but if I'm depressed and having a bummer day, I'll let everyone know it as well. In person, however, I'll tell everyone that I'm doing fine. Why? Because I'm not comfortable facing reality. Again, another problem that can be fixed by just taking time out to talk to people.


Skype is currently down right now, so as much as I'm wanting to call people through the roof, I can't. You might be thinking writing a blog on this matter is slightly hypocritical, and I'd agree. However, if you are in another country and Skype is down, I think a blog is the only solution for ranting. 

Look at their happiness.

The end of the matter: I want to focus on talking to people in person. Right now that's nearly impossible because of that thing called the ocean, but when I get back from Christmas break, I want to talk to people. This means more coffee shops, more getting out of my room for homework, and more pursuit of relationships. As of right now, I can only video Skype to make this possible, so expect some video chats with yours truly. I want to know how break is going and so on. So help me talk to you. I want to, it's just difficult to get started. 


Stay funky fresh. Smell ya later.