Self-Deprivation

Many times, others have said exactly what I try to say in much better ways. Here is but one example:

O LORD,

my every sense, member, faculty, affection, is a snare to me,

   I can scarce open my eyes but I envy those above me,

                                                             or despise those below.

I covet the honor and riches of the mighty,

   and am proud and unmerciful to the rags of others;

If I behold beauty it is a bait to lust,

                    or deformity, it stirs up loathing and disdain;

How soon do slanders, vain jests, and wanton speeches creep into my heart!

Am I comely? What fuel for pride!

Am I deformed? What an occasion for repining!

Am I gifted? I lust after applause!

Am I unlearned? How I despise what I have not!

Am I in authority? How prone to abuse my trust, 

                                                             make will my law,

                                                             exclude others' enjoyments,

                                                             serve my interests and policy!

Am I inferior? How much I grudge others' pre-eminence!

Am I rich? How exalted I become!

THOU knowest that all those are snares by my corruptions, 

   and that my greatest snare is myself.

I bewail that my apprehensions are dull,

                         my thoughts mean,

                         my expressions low,

                         my life beseeming;

Yet what canst THOU expect of dust by levity,

                                                      of corruption but defilement?

Keep me ever mindful of my natural state,

   but let me not forget my heavenly title,

   or the grace that can deal with every sin.

-Valley of Vision.